i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
