I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
