I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
did i walk over a car last night?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
