someone threw a dead crab at me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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