I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
