my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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