Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
