Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
