false alarm. still invincible.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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