Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
