so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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