Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we made out on top of his cat.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
