We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You can't special order awesome
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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