Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
