he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
