new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
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Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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