I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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