We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
