Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
