I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
