Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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