OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
