She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
