it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
