just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
