just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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