The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
