Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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