Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
