I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
