this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
