Do you still have your period?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
