I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
