you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize