i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
