omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
