Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
