i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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