im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
