weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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