Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
