Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't put those talents on a resume
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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