I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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