I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
