Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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