Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
