i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
