We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize