you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
