Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
