he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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