I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
