Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
