I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
