My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
