Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
