Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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