i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
