Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
