just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
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