they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
