I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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