Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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