I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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